You chose the Nine of Swords card
This is the experience of great fear and anxiety, a nightmare where the sheer power of fantasy is frightening and painful. And then there are guilt feelings because of destructive fantasies and expectations of terrible future outcome. This self punishment includes the fear that a loved one will reject us, or die, or leave us for another, terror of loneliness, illness or isolated old age. The frightening visions are also about financial catastrophe or loss or the collapse of a creative project - the break down is endless cause we believe in misfortune and despair, we are enslaved by them. This fanaticism leads towards passion and sacrifice and transforming thinking, the ability to present a meaningful philosophy, it becomes worship of something higher - the enlightenment.